Self-medicating becomes the most important thing in life. When reaching this point the phenomenon of cognitive over-reaction appears.

The brain reacts to cues giving rise to powerful drives and drug-seeking behavior. A quick memory of a painful relationship, the site of the word “bar” or a familiar song gives rise to a deja vu activating drug-seeking behaviors. 

Your emotions send mixed signals to your brain, making every impulse, thought or feeling unreliable and short-circuiting your logical thinking.

Choices are to resist, wear a mask of compliance or actually go through the pain of your own making to finally  see light at the end of the tunnel.






The truth is you are as alone as you were in your addiction. The truth is no one can do it for you.
Truth is only you have the power to regain control of your life, to trust your emotions again and break the cycle of addiction. The truth will set you free if you face it and let yourself change.

"Music doesn't lie. If there is something to be changed in this world, then it can only happen through music."

- Jimi Hendrix, Musician

Relapse is just around the corner, making life unmanageable. Only until you stop denying
and admit there is a problem can change happen. Supervised rehab facilities offer a safe place to
get clean. 

The world of detox is an up-and-down experience. All the emotions fueling your painful insecurities and self-doubts appear and your temporary blindness disappears. 


Dysfunctional thinking faced unearths new fears. The draw to leave is as strong as the addiction but it’s the healthy way out now.


You feel like you are under a microscope and everyone you pushed away who tried to rescue you now expect miracles from you. 



MUSIC

MUSIC

Maybe I need a straight jacket face facts, I am nuts for real But I'm okay with that, it's nothing, I'm still friends with the...with the monster that's under my bed Get along with the voices inside of my head You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy…
-Eminem and Rihanna














The Psychology of Drug Addiction
When an underlying pain rises, a need to self-medicate appears. If untreated, a vicious cycle of self-imposed addiction begins.  The need grows because you build a tolerance to what used to work, which leads to dependence. You try to stop and withdrawal appears. Intolerable physical pain combines with your emotional pain and without help you’re hooked. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over-and-over again expecting different results.

Self-medicating is not being in a survival mode because the insanity of the self-imposed cycle takes over and the need to escape wraps its hands around your neck and doesn’t let go. Imagined control fades to powerlessness.  Blindness called denial takes over as a defense mechanism to save face, to avoid the pain of shame.







Monster

I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed Get along with the voices inside of my head You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy I wanted the fame, but not the cover of Newsweek Oh well, guess beggars can't be choosy. Wanted to receive attention for my music Wanted to be left alone in public excuse me For wanting my cake, and eat it too, and wanting it both ways Fame made me a balloon cause my ego inflated When I blew; see, it was confusing Cause all I wanted to do is be the Bruce Lee of loose leaf Abused ink, used it as a tool when I blew steam (Ooh!) Hit the lottery, oh wee But with what I gave up to get was bittersweet It was like winning a huge meet Ironic cause I think I'm getting so huge I need a shrink I'm beginning to lose sleep: one sheep, two sheep Going cuckoo and cookey as Kool Keith. But I'm actually weirder than you think cause I'm... Well, that's nothing...
No, I ain't much of a poet but I know somebody Once told me to seize the moment and don't squander it Cause you never know when it all could be over tomorrow So I keep conjuring, sometimes I wonder where these thoughts spawn from (Yeah, ponder it, do you want this? No wonder you losing your mind, the way it wanders) Yodel-odel-ay-hee-hoo I think you've been wandering off down yonder and stumbled onto Jeff VanVonderen Cause I need an interventionist to intervene between me and this monster And save me from myself and all this conflict Cause the very thing that I love's killing me and I can't conquer it My OCD is conking me in the head Keep knocking, nobody's home, I'm sleepwalking I'm just relaying what the voice in my head is saying Don't shoot the messenger, I'm just friends with the... Call me crazy, but I have this vision One day that I walk amongst you a regular civilian But until then drums get killed And I'm coming straight at MC's, blood get spilled And I take it back to the days that I get on a Dre track Give every kid who got played at, pumped up feeling And shit to say back to the kids who play 'em I ain't here to save the fucking children But if one kid out of a hundred million Who are going through a struggle feels and then relates, that's great It's payback, Russell Wilson falling way back in the draft Turn nothing into something, still can make that, straw into gold chump I will spin Rumpelstiltskin in a haystack